swimming pool (a short play

edgar walks out into a clearing where there is a table and two seats. he sits down at the table and spits on his hand. benvolio trips on his way to edgar's table and takes a seat. they stare at each other while adjusting their crotches.

benvolio: hi.

edgar: hey.

benvolio finishes bumbling his bump first.

edgar: so, you still want to go to this today?

benvolio: i do, but i have to pee.

edgar: well go piss then.

benvolio stands up and takes two steps from the table and relieves himself on stage.

edgar: knock knock.

benvolio zips up and remains standing.

benvolio: ok.

edgar: i was never able to do that thing with your hand and your armpit where you squish them together and make fart sounds. the little fat kids in all the movies i watched as a kid could do it and they looked cool, but i can't make my armit fart for shit.

edgar spits on his hand again and sticks it in his armpit.

benvolio: you look like a bird who broke it's wing.

edgar: hold on i think i got it.

benvolio: sometimes i go into public bathrooms and make people think i jack it in public.

edgar is still trying to make fart noises.

edgar: that's gross.

benvolio: no no it's really fun. just grab the side of your cheek, where it's loosest, and pull it away from your mouth back and forth really fast.

benvolio jiggles his cheek rappidly.

benvolio: you hear that! well you walk into a bathroom stall when you know someone else is in there, preferably more than one, and you do that while groaning a little here and there. once you know that you've gotten their attention, go 'AHHH' orgasmically and spit on the ground. not like hocking spit; dribble it out and froth your saliva so it's nice and white. it's a hoot!

edgar: fuck it, i'm never gonna be able to make farting noises.

benvolio farts.

edgar: ew.

benvolio: i sat on a duck.

CURTAIN.