edgar walks out into a clearing where there is a table and two seats. he sits down at the table and spits on his hand. benvolio trips on his way to edgar's table and takes a seat. they stare at each other while adjusting their crotches.
benvolio: hi.
edgar: hey.
benvolio finishes bumbling his bump first.
edgar: so, you still want to go to this today?
benvolio: i do, but i have to pee.
edgar: well go piss then.
benvolio stands up and takes two steps from the table and relieves himself on stage.
edgar: knock knock.
benvolio zips up and remains standing.
benvolio: ok.
edgar: i was never able to do that thing with your hand and your armpit where you squish them together and make fart sounds. the little fat kids in all the movies i watched as a kid could do it and they looked cool, but i can't make my armit fart for shit.
edgar spits on his hand again and sticks it in his armpit.
benvolio: you look like a bird who broke it's wing.
edgar: hold on i think i got it.
benvolio: sometimes i go into public bathrooms and make people think i jack it in public.
edgar is still trying to make fart noises.
edgar: that's gross.
benvolio: no no it's really fun. just grab the side of your cheek, where it's loosest, and pull it away from your mouth back and forth really fast.
benvolio jiggles his cheek rappidly.
benvolio: you hear that! well you walk into a bathroom stall when you know someone else is in there, preferably more than one, and you do that while groaning a little here and there. once you know that you've gotten their attention, go 'AHHH' orgasmically and spit on the ground. not like hocking spit; dribble it out and froth your saliva so it's nice and white. it's a hoot!
edgar: fuck it, i'm never gonna be able to make farting noises.
benvolio farts.
edgar: ew.
benvolio: i sat on a duck.
CURTAIN.
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